I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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