no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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