Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I deserve this hangover.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
