He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
