i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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