Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize