Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
