I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
