Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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