i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
