your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
