the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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