did you get engaged???
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
