Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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