A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
