I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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