I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
