Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
