Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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