good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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