your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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