May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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