Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
