it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
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