my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
This house was built for laser tag.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
