Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
