Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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