i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
