Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
