Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
