i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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