I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
