If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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