dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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