actually, I'm a sock model
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
