a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
