with your own penis?
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
