pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
