I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
