you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
