Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
