Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
