He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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