guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
