i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
