I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
