I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
