my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
