before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
