I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
