friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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