Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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