Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
porn star boner night. come get it.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
