Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
