just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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