The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
