My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
