So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
