I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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