Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize