he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
