she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
