so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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