I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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