Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
