i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
