making cat noises will not fix the situation.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
