just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
