Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
