and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize