How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I looked at my own cervix.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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