after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
