if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
if only i could text you this smell
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
