if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
