Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
