We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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