I want to make a zoo with you.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize