Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
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