I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
