shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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