I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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