how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize