i would punch a child for taco bell
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
