Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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