So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
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