I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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