can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize