i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
