you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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