RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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