I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
