I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Two words: nipple clamps
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