sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
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