Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm determined to sit on that face.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
